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Date: October 20, 2006
Resource: Daily Herald
How to brag about your kids without
really trying
Remember: your children aren't lazy and annoying. They're gifted.
By Janine Wood
DEERFIELD, ILL. – It starts innocently enough. Every now and then,
women in my neighborhood gather in sunlit kitchens over coffee and
sweet rolls, talking lightheartedly of careers and gardening,
decorating and cooking, latest novels read, latest movies seen. But
after the pleasantries are exhausted, the conversation turns to
children - and the chatter turns ominous.
Little by little, the various accomplishments of young children
creep into the discussion: high test scores, report-card grades,
number of soccer goals scored. It's called bragging. And you had
better be good at it if you want to join the conversation. Because
woe to the unsuspecting mother who bares her soul to reveal a flaw
in her child.
"I have to admit my son is having trouble with math," confessed a
pitifully unaware mother at a recent kaffeeklatsch. "I need to sit
with him for hours after school helping with his homework."
A hush fell over the table. Coffee cups clinked in the saucers.
Sympathetic eyes turned toward the mother and, finally, one woman
said, "Gee, I don't have any advice. Homework has never been a
problem for my son."
Has that ever happened to you? You tell a friend some horrible truth
- your kid got a C in gym - only to have your friend respond that
her kid gets A's in gym and in every other subject as well. Or you
tell another friend that your 8-year-old son is following you around
the house, terrorizing you to buy him a teen-rated computer game.
Your friend graciously replies that her son isn't interested in
violent computer games. Instead, he spends his days reading Chaucer.
Then there is the shoot-straight-from-the-hip approach: "I can tell
you this because you are such a good friend. Our son was just
accepted to the school for extremely gifted children, but please
don't tell anyone else. I don't want to seem as if I'm bragging."
How do you respond to this confidence - with smugness, because
you're such a valued friend, or with envy, because your own son is
flunking lower-level math?
It may seem that all of today's children are highly gifted, but this
isn't the case. So what do you do if your child is having problems
and you find yourself in a crowd of braggarts? Answer: Don't ever
admit your child is not doing well academically. You won't get any
sympathy. So turn your child's difficulties into an excuse for
bragging.
One mom told me her daughter was placed in a class for slow readers
because she had such a high IQ. "Her IQ is so high that she is bored
in the classroom and can't concentrate on phonics," my neighbor
said. Go figure.
You can use the "high IQ" explanation as an excuse for any number of
school-related problems: misbehaving in class, bad grades,
antisocial behavior, and an inability to play sports. Also, if your
child is not doing well in school, you can always say he or she is
the "creative" type.
For modest mothers, here are a few "rules" that allow for bragging
with the least amount of offense:
• Rule No. 1: Brag to parents whose kids are not the same age as
yours. It's OK to boast about your toddler's toilet-training success
to someone raising a teenager.
• Rule No. 2: It's OK to brag to mothers whose children don't belong
to the same school district.
• Rule No. 3: It's OK to brag to grandparents and in-laws, but only
if your nieces and nephews are doing equally as well as your own
children. Otherwise, there may be problems of jealously.
And for those moms who think they have nothing to brag about,
remember that anything is grist for the boastfulness mill - the
ability to tie shoes before the age of 3, reading before
kindergarten, a talent for gardening, Suzuki violin lessons, or an
interest in the presidential elections. Don't give up. Anything
goes.
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